Make Me Okay

The sweat on Raven's face began to sting her eyes, she whipped her forehead with the towel that her leader provided her. While her breathing was ragged his was under control, for whatever reason this frustrated her. "You are doing great Raven, you've really improved."

Raven scoffed "Yeah right, you're still kicking my ass." He only rolled his eyes and sat down on the bench beside her. Robin and Raven had been training for the past few hours on a new take down move that he had just learned while Skypeing with Gotham, and she had to admit that it was a tough one.

"Not really, in the past four months I have seen a great improvement. I bet you could take me down in a real fight, you're a natural." Robin proceeded to to chug down a water bottle that he had handy under the gym bench. "There isn't a need to worry about hand to hand combat anymore. There isn't much I haven't taught you, so I think that this is our last day training."

Raven shook her head immediately, she could feel her face getting hot with frustration, "No, we can't stop the personal training I need-"

"Look I know that you are still shaken up from Church of Blood incident, but you need to understand that you-"

"No you need to understand Robin. You don't know what it feels like to have something like that happen, to be literally powerless and not be able to defend yourself. If Beast Boy hadn't been there I would be dead right now or worse!" She proceeded to stand up and pace the room, she could feel the equipment began to be encased in black as her emotions seeped out. She didn't want this, she didn't want any of this, he he stopped training her, if she stopped leaning then that was it, they would win. And she could never let that happen.

"Raven-"

"You can't stop training me Robin. I can't stop learning, if they come back I need to be prepared. There has to be something that you haven't taught me, something difficult to learn please." She knew that begging was a low point even for her, it was unfair of her to force her leader to continue her training but she didn't have anyone else, he was literally her only hope.

They had been at it every night for the past four months, all in secret. The other Titans were unaware of what was perspiring between the two, at first Starfire even accused Robin of cheating and yelled at Raven for an hour about their friendship ending. Luckily Robin nipped that in the bud real quick, to this day Raven doesn't know what he had told his girlfriend but the very next day she had apologized almost a thousand times for the way she acted, of course the goth accepted.

Cyborg didn't show much interest in the matter, he understood the need for her privacy. Beast Boy on the other had was the exact opposite, he was very aggravated when he found out that something was going on between the two. He yelled and screamed at her for hours upon hours begging for information, all the while gaining no ground with her. The argument had put a large damper on their friendship, but Raven couldn't bring herself to admit her fears to him. He had already done so much for her, there was no need to burden him with her problems. This was her cross to bear.

"I don't have anything else Raven, we have been at this for months. I didn't even train this hard when I was with Bruce. You haven't given your body any breaks, you are almost just skin and bone, and I know for a fact you don't sleep as often as you should. I understand you're scared but-"

"Damn right I'm scared!" she yelled as she turned to face her leader, tears were now falling from her eyes. Her body shook as she made an attempt to calm herself down, she found the task to be near impossible.

"You weren't there Robin. You didn't see the look in their eyes, the thrust for power. I was nothing more than a pathetic target, I was useless without my powers, god damn useless! Beast Boy he-he saved me, and he shouldn't have had to. I should've been ready. In that moment I swore to myself never to be a damsel in distress again."

Robin let out a large sigh as he walked over to her and placed a friendly hand on her shoulder, his warming touch caused her to intake air and allow all the equipment to return to their normal state. "Look like I said, I don't have anything else to teach you." Raven sniffled and whipped her eyes with her hands, "But maybe Star does. Her fighting skills are advanced too soshe may have some few pointers to show you that I haven't thought of. I will talk to her tomorrow and explain the situation, I'm sure she will be more than willing to help."

Raven only nodded at her leaders words, in a way it made her feel better. Knowing that there was a possibility that she could learn something new gave her a sick sense of hope. Although false hope, she allowed her body to feed off of it. "Let's head to bed. It's nearly 3 am, and we both need our sleep."

"Go ahead without me, I think I'll just hit the punching bag for a little. I still have some pent up energy." She lied, she had no energy left. She just didn't want to go to sleep, for fear of the nightmares that slumber entitled.

Deep down she knew that he was aware of her lie, but he didn't say anything. He never said anything. That was the best part of Robin, he knew when not to over step his boundaries with her. Once Boy Wonder was gone she proceeded to attack the punching bag in the far corner of the gym. Her body ached from the training earlier, but she pushed through it like she always did.

Once she was unable to lift he arm anymore she leaned her head against the bag in an attempt to cool her self down. That was when Raven caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror on the far end of the gym. She watched as the thin, lankly girl walked closer to inspect her own body.

Raven sighed at the realization of how right Robin was. She was nothing but skin and bones. Her once tight shorts, hung loosed against her tiny waist. Her tank top only clung to her body because of the amount of sweat that was soaked into it, if it was dry there wasn't a doubt that it would be dangling off her small frame. Deep circles encased her eyes from lack of sleep and her hair was an unruly mess.

Her health has been declining in the past few months. She was literally unraveling at the seams. If her team did noticed they didn't say anything, and that was probably best. She was on edge all the time, and had been known to snap at the smallest comment without a second thought. Raven hated this, she hated the way she was right now but in all honesty she just didn't know what to do anymore. She was scared. And fear can be a powerful thing. "God Raven, look at you, you are such a fucking mess." she said to herself.

"Ah come on, give yourself some credit." Raven turned and found her green friend leaning against the door to the gym in sweats and a wife beater. "I mean yeah you are a mess, but not a fucking mess." he proceeded to shoot her a toothy grin.

Raven scoffed as she went to the bench to collect her things, all the while Beast Boy had strolled to her and plopped himself on the bench unannounced. She rolled her eyes as she shoved her towels into her bag quickly.

"So are you going to tell me why you are in the gym at 3 am.?" he asked casually as he raised an eyebrow in her direction.

"I could ask you the same question." she spat back.

The changeling only chuckled at her harshness, "Yeah you could, but my answer wouldn't be as fun as yours would it?" Raven narrowed her eyes at him and remained silent, she threw her bag over her shoulder and stood up straight, she was in no mood for his antics. Although they had rarely talked lately, he still made it a point to be by her side damn near all the time. In all honesty she had allowed this to happen, for whatever reason having him close put her mind at ease.

"Come on Rae, just tell me. Why are you in the gym so late? Getting in a good workout?"

"Why else would I be here Beast Boy?" she hissed. She turned to leave when he grabbed her hand in an attempt to stop her, flashbacks from that night were brought back to her abruptly. Although his touch was gentle compared to theirs, she still hadn't been touched in that way since then and it frightened her. She pulled away instantly and stumbled backwards in surprise, there was a loud thud as she hit the ground.

"Geez, I'm sorry Rae, let me-"

"No." she replied as she put up her hands to show that she didn't need help up. "No, I'm fine." She stood up and brushed herself up in an attempt to make her fall casual. Her hands shook as she reached for her bag on the floor.

"Are you okay?"

Okay? How could he ask if she was okay? Out of all of the Titans he should be the one who understands that she is in fact not okay. He was there, he saw everything. Raven let out a hollow chuckle and replied "Define okay."

He rubbed the back of his head and sighed, Raven could feel the tension build between them and knew what was coming. "I know. It was stupid to ask I'm just worried about you."

Her heart sank at the sadness in his tone. "Don't be. It's not your job to worry about me." she turned to walk away when she heard him speak again.

"I know it's not my job, but it's just hard not to. After what we've been through I can't help but worry, and my the worry is killing me."

Raven sighed and turned to face him, his gaze was on he ground and his shoulders were slumped in defeat. "Beast Bo-"

"Just tell me one thing. Is your late night meetings with Robin helping? Are they making happened any better?" his voice was just above a whisper.

"Do you even know what we are doing?"  

"No. At first I thought you were sleeping together, that was why I was so upset." Raven chuckled, that explained why he was acting the way he acted when all of this started.

"Yeah stupid right? Star said that you guys were doing some kind of training? She didn't let on much, but she said that Robin said you had requested it, that this was going to help you. I am assuming that he is training you to fight right?"

Raven sighed and sat back on the bench beside him, she threw down her bag on the ground and buried her face in her hands in defeat. "Yeah, he has been training me hand to hand combat." she muttered through her fingers.

"Has it helped any?"

She looked up and rubbed her face in frustration, she debated lying to him to save her feelings, but if she was going to tell anyone the truth it was better that it was Beast Boy rather than anyone else. He did after all save her life.

"No." a large sigh escaped her lips before she continued "At first it did, but now I think I'm just kinda doing it out of habit. I don't really know how to explain."

"You don't have to. I get it." he replied as he made an attempt to rub her back for encouragement.

His touch ignited the anger inside of her. She didn't know why, but for some reason she found herself heated and frustrated. "No you don't, stop trying to act like you understand what's going on with me!" she yelled as she stood up.

"Raven please don't do this. Please I-"

"Don't do what? Tell the truth? You don't know what's going on with me, none of you do! I'm sick and tired of people lying to me!"

Beast Boy stood up and faced her, it was apparent that whatever sympathy he had for her was lost in her harsh words. "You don't think I know what's going on with you! I was there Raven, or did you forget? I saw everything!" he yelled back.

"You weren't the one they tried to rape! You weren't the one who they stripped of all powers and beat until they couldn't even walk, don't tell me you understand because you don't." Raven began to pace in frustration as a few tears fell from her eyes.

Beast Boy groaned in frustration, "I know I wasn't, and that must have been hard Raven I'm not denying that in any way."

"Then how can you insist that you know how I'm feeling? How in the hell could you possibly understand what's wrong with me?" she hissed through her clenched teeth.

"Because I watch you okay! I have watched you for the past four months and I've got to say you are scaring the shit out of me Raven! You don't eat, you don't sleep, all you do is train. If you keep pushing yourself then there won't be anything left of you!"

He was right there was no denying it, she was declining not only in psychical but mental health as well. So instead he spat "So what? Why does doing what I'm doing matter to you!"

"Because...because..I..I..." he stuttered unable to form words.

"Because you what?!" she yelled in frustration.

"Because I love you!" Raven felt heart stop, his confession caused her to take a few steps back in awe. There was a long moment of silence before he continued.

"Because I care about you, Rae. The only reason I was there that night was because I followed you out of concern. God dammit Raven can't you see how much I you mean to me? Haven't I proven myself to you?"

There was another pause while she just stared at him, more tears began to fall from her face as she spoke just above a whisper "You shouldn't love someone like me."

He shook his head as he took a few steps closer to her "Why? Why can't I love you Raven?"

"Because I'm a monster. All I'm good for is bringing the end of the world, that night proved it." she looked at the ground, unable to meet his gaze. "You deserve someone who isn't like me Garfield, you deserve some one who can show emotion, someone who can defend themselves. You deserve-"

"Don't tell me what I deserve." he said sternly. He walked over to her and lifted he chin so that she would meet his gaze, "Rae, please let me help you. Let me take the pain away. I can help you if you just let me."

He whipped a few tears from her cheek as his green pools pierced into her, she only spoke above a whisper "How would you do that?"

There was a small smirk on his face right before his lips met hers. A shiver ran up her spine as the gentle kiss ended quickly and he pulled away. She opened her eyes and was met with a green pool of concern. "I've protected you before Rae, and I swear that I will protect you until the day I die." Raven's heart raced as he brought his lips back down to her again.

The intensity of this kiss was stronger and more fierce than the one before. Raven found herself putting everything she had into him and he reacted as such. His hands moved to her waist and pulled her close into him with a thrust, the action caused her to moan softly. She could feel the smile on his face as he picked her off of he ground and allowed her to wrap her legs around his small waist.

Beast Boy walked backwards until he was able to slam her body against the wall, she grunted slightly as his mouth moved to her neck in an instant. Then she heard a low growl coming from him, confused she asked "Did you just growl?"

He chuckled in her neck and muttered "Do you have a problem with it?"

Raven pulled his head back so that he was looking at her when she replied "No it's actually kind of a turn on."

Beast Boy wiggled his eyebrows seductively as he repeated the growl, her arms erupted in goose bumps at the sound of him. Raven leaned in close and whispered into his ear "Let's take this somewhere else." she then proceeded to engulfed them in black energy and teleported the two to his room.

Once there the changeling made his way to his bed and gently placed her on the bottom bunk. A small giggle escaped her lips as he climbed back on top of her, his hand slowly making it's way up her tank top. His touch sent electricity through her skin forcing her to moan his name. 

Then he stopped and pulled away, she frowned as she looked up to see why he stopped. She was met with worry in his eyes, confused she asked "What? Why did you stop?"

He shook his head "Are you sure you want this? I know those horrible people-they tried to-to-and I don't want to be the one who-I know what it it entitles- and I don't know if you-if you-"

"It's okay Gar, really." he furrowed his brows in response and she sighed as she placed his hands on either side of his face, "I love you. If it was anyone, I'm glad it's you."

"I love you too Rae." he whispered as he crashed her lips once again in order to continue what they started.

-----

The sun shone through the murky window and blinded her sleeping face. With a large groan Raven rolled over and cuddled against the green chest before her. Her touch must have woken the sleeping Beast Boy because his grip tightened on her shoulders protectively.

"What's wrong?" he muttered half asleep. "Did you have a bad dream?"

"No." She admitted. That was when Raven realized that she had slept through the whole night. This was the first time since the attack that she had slept without being woken up by her nightmares. For whatever reason he had kept her dreams at bay.

"Good." he whispered. She felt a light pressure against her head as he planted a stern kiss in her hair. "I wouldn't want you to be uncomfortable."

An actual laugh escaped her lips, it felt foreign to her but she accepted the reality that the green changeling had some sort of hold on her. "Oh believe me," she mused "I'm comfortable."

He chuckled and planted a kiss on her lips before rolling out of her grasp. She groaned as he stood up and began to get dressed, he smiled and looked over to her. "Oh stop it." he cooed, "I'm going to get you breakfast."

She smiled as he walked back to her and kissed her lightly on the forhead. "I love you Raven." he whispered.

"I love you too." she replied gently.

It may take time but deep down she knew she was going to get better. As long as she had Beast Boy she knew that she was safe, that for once everything was going to turn out alright.

He was going to make her okay.